JustForFunNOTMartha

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Just for Fun: NOT Martha! Timeless!
By Sharon Adams

It's not that we have anything against Martha Stewart. Absolutely not. In fact, she has elevated her natural sense of design, color, ability to speak with people with conviction and confidence with fun, enlightening and absolutely first class ideas. Everyone reads Martha Stewart magazine, watches her show and talks about her sometime.

Years ago, the March of Dimes booked Martha to appear for a luncheon. It sold out in just a couple of months. The one thing I remember coming away with was: How to make an ice-container for your favorite bottle of vodka. You take one of those tall, cardboard milk cartons. Be sure it's empty. Cut off the lid. Put your vodka bottle inside the container. Fill the in-between space with water. Add some flower buds for interest. Freeze.
Tear off exterior carton. Voila! Wasn't that easy?!

There are many times when we are planning a special event at our home, or in someone else's home, that our bunch of gals all work together and say, "We can do this."

I have caught myself saying that very thing when planning parties at my own home. But, sometimes, life interferes with the best Martha Stewart planning.

The first thing you have to plan for when doing Martha-esque tasks is LOTS OF TIME, because you will find yourself doing tasks that you never thought you would, in ways that may seem confusing at first, but of course, she guarantees that if you will just follow her instructions ... EXACTLY ... all will be well.

That's usually when we feel like we're finding ourselves really pressed for time, running to the store again for ingredients, parts, those special tablecloths, napkins with beaded edges ... if we haven't planned ahead and made those with grosgrain or satin ribbon and bead trim from our handy trim shop, along with the tablecloth to match.

Home party for 50? Six tablecloths and extra napkins. What? You didn't make them? Of course, your seamstress could help you out, for a minor fortune.

So, here we are, not even into the food part yet, and ready to pull our hair out. Then there is the shopping list: Some foods are found at Sam's, your favorite ready-to-go gourmet shop, specialty markets.

Not to forget the flowers ...if we are true Marthas, some are our own handmade creations, accenting those lovely professional arrangements we all love.

It happened to me: Extremely thin double-faced satin ribbons to tie around champagne glass stems ... 40 champagne glasses. My fingers cramped in places I never knew I had! As an ex-court reporter, my fingers were pretty well exercised, until I had to do that teenie-tiney ribbon through that itty-bitty wrap-around thing...Hmmm. Moving forward. Mah-velous helped me with that one. In fact, she thought of it. That party was a hoot!

Once we've gotten to this point, sometimes we are ready to crash and burn.
But don't! STOP THERE! Take hold of yourself.

REAL WOMEN have some suggestions not only for parties, but in real life, when we oftentimes find ourselves in situations where it's been quite a day ... week ... month... whatever. And we just can't deal with it anymore. Many thanks to Kay Clifton for sending me this fun list. Enjoy!

REAL WOMEN VS. MARTHA STEWART

Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Martha's way #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Women's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way #3: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Women's Way: Go to the bakery.
They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's Way #4: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
The Real Women's Way: Celery? Why bother? Unless we're making bloodys. Ha!

Martha's way #5: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Real Women's Way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I just don't do it.

Martha's way #6: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Women's Way: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but you won't care.

Martha's way #7: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dish-washing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
The Real Women's Way: Go ask the very hot neighbor to do it.

And finally the most important tip:
Martha's way #8: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
The Real Women's Way: Leftover wine?

We went to our pantry and fridge and in spite of ourselves, found many of the above mentioned items. The Real Women are right here and living in our own home. Hooray!

While Martha has her time and place in our lives,
we should not put so much pressure on ourselves all of the time.

So, take time to live a real life, relax and enjoy all of these wonderful days we have with those we love.
The celery will take care of itself.

Credit goes to Bradley Trevor Greive for use of the black and white photos from his book
"Looking for Mr. Right." Thank you, Bradley!

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